I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
