i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
