im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
