please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
