I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
