I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
