Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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