NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
