Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
