Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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