dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
