her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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