Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
