I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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