ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
