I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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