She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
