so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
