i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
