yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
