you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
