Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
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