Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
