Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
