gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
