is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
