my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
