I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
