dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So much rum. So many feels.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
