suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize