I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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