You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
