We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize