Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
