How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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