I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Drake has all the answers
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
