WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
