we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
