last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have fence marks all over my body
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize