hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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