well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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