Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
