his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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