PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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