3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
