He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
