I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
