I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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