Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
