put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
