I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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