You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
