i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize