Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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