I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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