THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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