it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
