this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
