I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
