yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
