That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize