well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
