pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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