Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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