remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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