This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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