i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
