Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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